Endless Parade of Excellence
Friday, October 31, 2003
"Today we will seize back this ritual. Today is the day we throw away those safe, cute carving tools. Today. We will buy a big, ugly, pumpkin so large one man cannot lift or move it. Today. We will carve that sumbitch into something ugly and plop it on the front porch. October 31st we will light it brightly enough to give visiting children suntans."
Couldn't have said it better myself. Me, I'm into speed carving. This year, I took 15 minutes for the whole job. (and that includes carving 3 eyes) And stencils? Don't get me started. If you can't draw a frowny face by now, perhaps you should go back to grade 3 art class, and try to pay attention this time, OK?
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Way back in the 80s, I gave my friend a reel-to-reel tape (!) with a bunch of stuff on it, including Frankie Teardrop by Suicide. If you know the song, (it's about a guy who kills his whole family) you might understand why she got more than a little bit freaked out by it. (She was listening on headphones, which made it worse.)
If you have a guinea pig named Frankie Teardrop, I suggest getting him his own cage. Just to be on the safe side.
Monday, October 20, 2003
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
The Tulse Luper Suitcases. You probably want a fast connection and some patience.
Monday, October 13, 2003
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Are those drugs?
Friday, October 10, 2003
Thursday, October 09, 2003
One of those things that probably seemed like a good idea at the time.
Start with a plastic skull. Wash it well, and make sure that it's clean enough to eat off of. Because that's what you're going to do!
Friday, October 03, 2003
Tufty: helpful traffic safety squirrel, or enslaver of mankind?
Why whould they pick a squirrel as a traffic safety mascot? We had an elephant*. There's a lot of train safety stuff on Elmer's site, so maybe Elmer is just a scaled up version of the squirrels on my street.
*memo to the web monkeys who did the Elmer site: those bubbles he's blowing out of his nose kinda read as big globs of elephant snot. Please rethink that one.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
"A bigheaded Aptosaurus statue is entered via a staircase. Inside the belly, surrounded by red and white dino guts decoration, you'll find a heart-shaped Jesus."
I think I have to check this place out...